Is being a mother taking a toll on you?Are you a mom who keeps getting angry and frustrated, an then later feels guilty?
I’m a mom of a 29-year-old daughter, and even though she is all grown up now, I have some tips on how to stop being an angry mom and improve your relationship with your child wonderfully.
When your child is born, it is not just your child who is born, but along with your child, you, a mother is also born.
Being a mom is the most wonderful thing on Earth, but a mother is also a human being.
She too has many emotions within herself. It is not an easy job to be a mother, especially when you are a first-time mother.
A mother is the most compassionate being on earth. She gives unconditional love to her child.
But she loses control of her anger at times and pours her anger and frustration on her kids.
But later this only makes her more miserable.
She regrets being angry, being rude to her kid and again loves her kid with all her heart. She promises herself she will never be mad again.
But the situations and environment make her repeat her mistake again and again.
So in this post, let us explore why we mothers get angry so easily so that we can actually fix the problem and some tips on how to stop being an angry mom.
Why do moms get angry easily
To be a mother is a new experience for a woman as well. She has already many responsibilities towards her home and her family as a wife, as a daughter, and if she is working, then as an employee.
Being a mom adds another important responsibility of her life towards her child. A child needs more attention and care, and she wishes to give all her attention to her child.
There may be many reasons for a mom to get angry quickly.
Some of these are the reasons below that I faced myself when I was on my motherhood journey.
1. Not being able to give more time to her child
A mother always wants to give more time to her kid, but cannot always give more time because of her other responsibility at home front or office work which makes her angry and frustrated
2. Not getting enough rest
She wants to take a rest after a disturbing night, but when she cannot get help from her spouse, this makes her mad.
She wants to take rest during the day, but having kids does not allow her to do so because kids are always playful and always need her constant attention and presence.
She wants to sleep sound sleep but cannot because her kid is not yet feeling sleepy.
3. Constant breastfeeding
Her kid is constantly on breastfeed without a break and this makes her tired and wants to need space of her own.
Being a mother is hard, and you need to have a lot of self-love for yourself and understand your anger too.
4. Constantly being judged as a mother
People are always commenting on what kind of a mother you are or giving their judgements and unneeded advice on what you should and should not be doing as a mother to your child.
In some families, especially in India, people think the kid’s responsibility and rearing up are entirely the mother’s.
When kids make any mistakes, a mother is blamed and told that it was taught by her mother or that the child’s mother is careless or did not teach well.
Nobody says anything to the father.
And there are many more reasons why a mom gets annoyed and frustrated and keeps her temper uncontrollable sometimes.
I know it is hard being a mother, and I want to let you know that you are doing a wonderful job no matter what.
But as a mother, you getting angry often is not good at all for both your child and yourself. It can affect the growth of your child and also your own mental health and well-being.
How does being an angry mom affect a child?
Your child spends most of the time with you.
Your personality, your state of mind, your thoughts, and your being affects your child.
A child is literally an extension of you, both physically and mentally.
When you breastfeed her/him you not only nourish your kid with your milk but also with your emotions.
With breastfeeding, you help her/him grow physically. With your emotions, you help her/him grow mentally.
What emotion you are, at that moment affects your kid a great deal.
You must have noticed in your life when somebody is angry whole environment gets affected by the negative vibration.
You must understand that this universe works with the vibration and we are all interconnected. Imagine how we can affect the kid who is constantly with us for 24 hours.
It is very important to control our anger and emotions, especially dealing with our kids. We always wish good for them so why not do good actions toward them?
I experienced the most beautiful emotions when I gave birth to my daughter.
My heart was filled with love, and care and I wanted to protect her with all my might from all the evil of the outside world.
I am sure you must have gone through the same emotions as me.
So why not give all our good to her/him to make her/him a good human being? Good human beings are the need of the hour for this world right now.
It is obvious that we get angry and frustrated in between while raising our kids.
But we must be aware that this anger does not become a habit and we end up with anger and frustration every time we face any challenging situations in our life.
It is normal to be angry at times. You are not the only one going through this problem. So don’t feel guilty. Every mom becomes angry and frustrated.
You are in the process of motherhood, a lifetime experience.
Now you have so many resources to learn things from. Right now you are reading and learning from my experience through this blog.
Not all moms are lucky like you. I gave birth to my daughter in the year 1993 and I was only 20 years old. I was a young mom who was unaware of anything about motherhood. I learned everything from my own life with time and situations.
Now my daughter is a young professor and a best human being. I became a successful mom despite facing many challenging situations.
I too made many mistakes in my journey of motherhood and still learning to be the best mom. It is a lifelong practice that we must follow on a daily basis.
So here I am going to share all the ways to stop being an angry mom.
How to stop being an angry mom ?
No matter how old your kids become but for you, your child will always be a baby for you. These tips are helpful for mothers of all ages from infants to teenage children and even older.
My daughter is 29 years old now and I still follow this practice.
I am sharing here 7 effective ways to stop being an angry mom.
I am sure after applying these useful tips you will be able to control your anger and stop being an angry mom.
1. Know what is making you an angry mom
You will always regret or feel sorry after scolding or being angry with your kid.
You promise yourself you will never be mad with her/him again, only to get angry again.
But this time the moment you have this feeling of guilt about being angry with your kid, check what is making you angry.
We feel our kids might be making us angry, but the answer to your anger is not our children most of the time.
You might be actually angry for some other reason or with some other person, but your innocent kid becomes the medium to pour out your anger and frustration.
If this is the case, be open with your spouse and family.
Share what is bothering you. Do not make your kid a victim of your anger. There is always a solution to every problem.
2. Share the responsibility with your spouse
Most of the time, a mom gets frustrated and angry due to overwork.
Life with kids is not easy and simple.
You will always have an extra load of work- extra clothes for laundry, to clear the mess kid makes after every half an hour, to change the diapers, disturbing nights along with usual household chores.
It is always helpful to plan for the day. Do not overload yourself with work.
Get help from your spouse. Share the responsibility. The responsibility should be shared among the parents for the healthy growth of kids.
Dividing the responsibility will ease your work. A satisfied mom never gets angry.
3. Plan your day
The most important practice you can do as a mother is to plan your day.
Never ever go a day without planning. Planning things ahead will make your day stress-free and peaceful.
Here are things to plan as a mother:
- Plan the time for feeding your kid
- Plan for their playtime
- Plan the timing for laundry
- Plan the timing for the cleaning and tidying up the house
- Plan a relaxing time for the kid
- Plan to spend quality time with your spouse.
Planning things wisely gives time for everyone creating more valuable time for the kid and it can help you feel so much more relaxed and at ease in your motherhood journey.
4. Spend some me time:
Me-time is really helpful to have a calm and peaceful day ahead and eventually a happy life.
Give some time for self-care and have your me time.
Create some time in the day just to be with you, at least for half an hour before your kid wakes up.
Every morning before you start your day, or after your kids go to bed at night spend some quality time with yourself even if its just for half hour or one hour.
Here are some things you can do on your me-time that will help you become a calm mom
- Work on your personal goals and your personal growth. When you grow, your child is the first person who will get the benefit.
- Refresh yourself with tea or coffee with total awareness. Just drink and savour the taste with a thankful heart.
- Move your body with some light exercise. When you are healthy, fit and fine you can take care of your kid and your loved ones.
- As exercise is to the body, meditation is to the mind. Do not forget to meditate in your me time.
Be silent with total awareness of your breathing at least for 10 minutes.
Just observe your breath. It will help you calm your mind and deal with your day-to-day situations and challenges as a mother.
Here are 45 me-time ideas for moms
5. Quit giving negative remarks
I have seen many moms talking negative things about their children.
They are unaware that they are attracting and reinforcing the same things in their kid’s life by talking more about them whether to themselves or to others.
The most common things you should stop talking and commenting about are:
- My kid does not listen to me.
- My kid is so stubborn
- My kid breaks the toys as soon as he gets it
- My kid cannot digest certain food
- My kid is on phone continuously
- My kid does not like to study
- My kid spends so much money
- My kid argues with me
- My kid has no manners.
There are countless things we talk about our kids that we do not like.
But instead of talking about all the things that we dislike in them, start talking about the good things you like about your kid.
Talk about these things to yourself and to your friends and relatives when they ask about how your kid is.
Talk about things which you wish your kid would do.
I always spoke good things about my daughter to everyone. And good things actually happened in our life.
This is something so very important.
6. The habit of journaling
Pouring your emotions into your journal is very helpful if you want to stop being an angry mom.
Sometimes it’s very hard to express our emotions to our family.
But if it is not taken out from our minds and our heart, then that anger and frustration will make a permanent residence in our hearts making frustration more deeply engraved.
So the best thing you can do and the best habit you can cultivate is to pour your emotions into your journal.
It can be life-changing, trust me.
P.S here are 31 journal prompts for moms
Make it your best friend and share everything with it. It is really helpful. You will feel light and calm after writing.
In your diary express your frustration, write about what might be the reason for your anger, how could you have behaved and how you want to behave with your kid.
7 years back I and my daughter were having a tough time. We used to argue and fight so much that we would go on not talking with each other for weeks.
I was not liking it. I wanted to have a perfect relationship with my daughter. So one fine day I wrote down in my diary that I will take control of my anger and I will foster my relationship with my daughter.
I also started praying for it.
Now I and my daughter are best friends.
Take responsibility and work for it. It will definitely work.
7. Embrace the present moment
The present moment is the reality. The past is gone and the future has not yet come.
Whatever you do in the present moment is the making of your past, and in turn, is also making your future.
Embrace your present moment.
Most of the time we are with our child only physically, but our mind is wandering elsewhere thinking about the future or the past.
When we are feeding our child, our mind might be on the laundry, the dishes in the sink, or watching something on social media.
When you do this, you won’t be able to nourish your child fully that way.
To be with your child fully is to be in the present moment. Be aware of your thoughts and action.
Your present moment right now is being a mother, a most beautiful moment of your life. Embrace and nourish it with all your heart.
Enjoy each moment with your child and give them your presence.
Final thoughts on how to stop being an angry mom
Know that an angry mom is also the most loving mom.
She is angry because she wishes to do so much for her child. When she is unable to do what she wishes, she becomes angry because of frustration.
But do not carry your anger for a long time.
Check yourself. Are you getting angry more than yesterday? If yes, then you must check your anger. You must work on your anger.
Every mom becomes angry in her journey of motherhood. It is not easy. So don’t be hard on yourself. You are not the only one.
Make your anger a tool to check your awareness.
Next time when you get angry check what is making you angry.
Ask yourself, ‘is it worth getting angry?’
As you keep growing in awareness, your anger will vanish soon and next time it will come to you a bit late.
Gradually, it will vanish permanently.
Use your anger to develop a greater and deeper bond with your child.
Apply these tips and you will see that anger is just a phase of life. It is temporary and it will go if you bring in awareness.
I hope you enjoyed this post.
Wish you a loving and amazing motherhood journey.
